Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
