I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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