your parents love me but you hate me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
