tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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