I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
