The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
