Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The beer is more important than you right now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
