I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
