There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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