i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
