Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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