??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
