I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
