the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
