He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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