Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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