I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
