on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
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