So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
