I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
