I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
