last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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