you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
