do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
