god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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