So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
