can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
