this beer tastes like vomit already
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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