really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
