Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sobbing to NWA
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
