I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
