note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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