I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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