we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
