she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
