I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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