Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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