you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
