You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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