im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
