Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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