I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
