Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
