then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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