I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
