I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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