I hate your face
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
