I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
