I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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