you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
