exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
