She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
