a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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