she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize