Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
