speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
