you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
why do cheetos always look like penises
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
