The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
