sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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