Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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