I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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