she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
