TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize