I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
