she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
