sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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