did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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