Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
