Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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