My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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